The title must have seemed to most of the readers as a demeanor of me, proclaiming myself as some kind of "self-styled Godman" spiting pity on the fellow human-beings, considering them emotional fools hence some kind of lesser beings. Well, now that's not the case, can't faintly even be the case because in current Indian side of the purity, those God-men are symbols of exploit, deranged-sexual fanatics and sadists. I am none of them, I am a healthy human being, counting average on the social meter, having ample amount of respect for women and I do abide by every plausible rule basically expected of me, so does that in anyways make me in-different of human emotions? No it doesn't, I do feel the same as others do. But there are times when I feel pity on some emotions that seems quite worthless to me at that very moment. I see the stupidity of people around me, the unnecessary cries, hate, anger and jealousy, seems to fly past me, I stay there, standing unhindered and unperturbed. Now how does that make any sense? No offence, but it does happen for me, and I at that particular point feel quite detached from the situation or person, I formally listen with a perfectly fake attention, a skill that I have acquired after ages of practice, expect the conversation to end as soon as possible so that I can forget it and lead my life as if it had never happened. Call me selfish, but that is my inner self taking control in such situations, I can't help it. Even I have figured out the reason for such a behavior, I never want to hurt anybody's emotions or feelings, I never want anyone to feel bad. Now I have also recently chalked out the reason for why at times I feel those emotions displayed by people worthless, because I put myself in his/her shoes in every possible situation, its unavoidable and I can't help doing that either. So when I do that character shift for a moment, being in that person's place, I utterly realize the gravity of the situation, I realize how stupid the person is being crying over a stupid thing which is totally unworthy of attention. I am faint on the display of fake-emotion side, though I do it everyday, but that doesn't even mean I am emotionally detached to the self, I am a pretty emotional guy who likes to laugh at jokes that deserve a hearty laugh and cry my eyes out in situations I deem fit for the same. I can understand your pain, the paragraph above must be totally confusing for you and you must definitely be searching for a stone to hit your head buzzing your brains out! How can I help it, I have two different persons residing inside my head, one being a soft & timid gentle man and another a bit more aggressive though harmless sociopath. And as a matter of fact these two have resided inside me for the past say 22 years and that explains my inner true self, well known to me, mind it not the one that you actually see. So, you have been cheated a bit here, sorry for that. Now getting back to evidences for proving my little theory of "unnecessary involvement", I have gathered a bit of paraphernalia to set my shoes right, in your minds.
There was a time long long back when I too was quite ignorant of my uncanny stupidity. Reading down below you can definitely have a laugh on me, I won't mind because this is what I too did the day I had the realization of the fact. Back then, whenever I faced any kind of problems, any mistakes that I did, any obstacles that I would face, I had a single solution with me. Those may include many silly ones as well, like say my watch stopped working, my legs are hurt badly, I had broken my video-game, my dog had passed away, I wanted a snake n ladder game, I had a really bad fever, asteroid colliding onto the earth. All those had only a single solution in my rule-book, the golden rule/answer said, "lie down on your cozy bed, call out for the super-power mom had named Almighty and sleep", next all I expected was, when I get up, everything would be alright, set-up the same way it used to just before I dozed off. To my dismay I realized, world and life doesn't work that way. But the theory didn't show up in all its ugly reality until I was old enough to realize that the almighty was none other than my dad. My dad was my fairy who after I slept would magically get to work, get me a snake n ladder game ready on my table before I opened my eyes, who would replace my dog with a new similarly looking one explaining me about its behavior change during my sleep, fixing my video-game and watch, getting me a pain-killer tablet, solving all my problems before I got up. But that faith was shaken up down from its roots, challenged when until recently I lost my grand-father, an inseparable part of my live, a store-house of love and affection, the meaning of my childhood memories. I remember the numerous times I had lied down facing the heavens, closing my eyes in prayer, expecting him to return any moment I opened my eyes, but that did never happen. All I saw when I closed my eyes was him in smiles, bidding me a final adieu, kissing my forehead in blessing, whispering in my ears, "Dear, my days with you in this physical form is over, I would be forever dwelling by your side, viewing the beauty from within your eyes, smiling and crying with you, exploring newer avenues walking by your side all the while...", only a tear rolls down my cheek every-time he smiles back.
The fact that transpired before me in the later part of my life was simply the revelation to the cover for ignorance I had been nurturing vaguely all along my childhood. Truth of life is bitter and how unacceptable it may seem, it is unavoidable, how dark it may be, it always follows back the light as its shadow, inseparable totting alongside it. May be this eventually formed the foundation to my actions that follow my reaction to people's ignorance and deceitful behavior. Most stupid people end their worthwhile lives in analyzing the personal lives of people who doesn't even matter to them, in the process idling away their own time worthless. They do not even realize that their own lives are in an utter mess, broken beyond repair, may be that explains their outrageous behavior towards others, the perfect antonym to "Live and let live". A shattered soul, in generally searches for other healthy hearts inflict the similar damage it has been subjected to, it derives a sadistic pleasure out of the scene, seeing someone in the same suffering condition as itself. Time stands testimony to those few rare souls who actually try to heal other broken hearts by means of love and offerings of what is left of them, I call them "fairies cursed to fall on earth". I drew this inference from a recent conversation from a close friend who believed there are no lines in a friendship, trying to hurt me with shards from my own broken heart, I pity him. Over the years I have learnt, while emotional attachments are necessary, they should be limited within boundaries unless they are hard enough to get rid of when time demands, in other words "sow as much as you can reap", no more than that because emotional baggages are really hard to get rid of, even claims lives in extremities. I laughed at the stupidity of my friend, pitied his instincts that jumped on with a view to hurt that failed and crashed into the sea. My past experiences taught me well to cope up with such situations. During such acts of ignorance my mind skips the whole drama, and posts the message loud and wide, "No offence man, but I don't much care! God bless your ignorance". I consider it a God's gift.
Now the blog is getting really long and I must have portrayed myself as a spiritual preacher, uttering words that may seem crap to some yet enlightening to others. Frankly speaking, I am no genius, not a faint desire to be one as well. All those thoughts I drew above in lucid calligraphy was simply a reflection of my "carnal self". "Carnal Self", I define it as the innate personality residing beneath my body, a basic building block of my daily actions, the fuel driving my immaculate behavior, a force that shapes my future drawing experiences from my past. I am happy this way, unshaken by the foolish emotions that flow my way, filtering them out, making way for the true love to wrap my soul in numerous possible ways. :) My words will definitely entice many more such ignorance along my path. I have gathered enough courage now to shape my way diving deep into it and emerging out unscathed.
"Live live and spread smiles, it is really short to babysit a handful of hate!!"